Bruce Ratner, dictator

I was reading the paper today and came across this picture.

“Gee,” I thought, “that guy sure looks familiar!”

“Why,” I shouted, “that guy looks just like Bashar al-Assad!”

I turned to look at my fridge magnet of Bashar Assad. (What? doesn’t everybody have a fridge magnet of their favorite middle-eastern dictator?) And there he is, in all his I’m-in-over-his-head benevolence.

So it turns out the first picture isn’t the Syrian President but rather Bruce Ratner. He just waiting for the crowd to show up so he can raise his hand in glorious I-abused-the-power-of-the-law-to-steal-your-property malevolence.

Now I don’t mean to besmirch the reputation of Bashar Assad with this comparison because I like Syria a lot more than the Atlantic Yards project.

Ratner? What can I say? I hate what he’s done but I have a tough time getting too worked up because, well, it’s not in my backyard. But boy, Freddy’s was a good bar. And if I lived closer, I’d be hot as hell! But I live in Astoria and can’t see the evilness of Ratner’s plan because an ugly Pistilli building is blocking my view.

But I’d take Bashar over Bruce any day. Why here’s a picture of the Assad family when Bashar was a kid (that’s Bashar on the lower left wearing the first of many ill-fitting suits).

Bashar, who was himself an ophthalmologist before duty called, scored big when he married a babe. She’s got brains, too.

(Asma has 38,228 fans on facebook. Poor Bashar has just 62).

But Astoria Bike’s deciding factor for Bashar over Bruce? Bashar al-Assad rides a bike with his son on the back.

You ever seen Ratner on two wheels? I didn’t think so.

And if you’re ever in Aleppo, I know the best bike store.